Authenticity as a Healing Practice, Not a Personality Trait
Beyond the Performance of Being “Real”
In today’s world, everyone seems to be striving for authenticity — but what does it really mean to be authentic? You may hear someone say that someone else is authentic or inauthentic but is it really a personality trait that someone either has or doesn't have? We might think that if someone wears what they want or says whatever they think, they are being their “true, authentic self”. However, I would argue that authenticity goes beyond those qualities, as freeing as they may be.
Like many of my clients, I had learned to perform versions of myself that others approved of. Over time, I lost track of what felt real. For example, I learned that being a straight A student who never got in trouble resulted in a level of praise that I then strived for most of my life. I took classes I thought would elicit more approval and over time lost track of what I was genuinely interested in. I had, in other words, learned to embody someone else based on the response I received from people around me; I was being inauthentic.
Eventually, I realized just how exhausting it was to be someone else, so I started my way back to me. In therapy, this is often where that work begins. We learn to think a bit more critically and intentionally about how we feel and what we think. We take the mask(s) off and learn to emerge as our true self. This process of returning to yourself is at the heart of my work — exploring authenticity and self-discovery through therapy, parts work, and creative, symbolic reflection.
Authenticity as Integration
Within therapy, I blend Internal Family Systems (IFS) to begin the process of connecting with one’s “true self’ – learning to discern the many different parts of our inner world and hand the mic to the one that matters the most. Each part of us has helped in one way or another, which is why it’s important to listen to them rather than extinguish them. For example, the over-achieving part of me has helped me accomplish great things but at times, she’s been over-bearing and leads to burn out. I’ve learned to acknowledge this part as being a source of strength but not at the cost of my Self or my authenticity.
Once I learned that there wasn’t anything I needed to prove to the people around me, it felt like an exhale — a quieting that made space for my Self to speak. Over time, that quiet allowed my true self to come forward with more certainty and strength; my true authenticity was found here.
The process of becoming authentically you does not happen overnight but you’ll know it’s beginning the moment you can feel when something is right – and when it isn’t.
Practices for Remembering What’s True
We have to practice being authentic because it’s really easy to fall back into old programming. When we sense a risk we may automatically revert to people-pleasing behaviors or an over-achieving mentality. Unfortunately, our world also encourages us to tune our authentic voice out for the sake of belonging. Learning to listen is an intentional practice — one that can be supported through authenticity and self-discovery practices like journaling, tarot, and body-based awareness.
I often encourage people to start small by asking themselves:
How does this decision feel?
Am I acting from a place of genuine desire or from pressure and duty?
Would my decision change if my Self were making it?
In practice, I also weave SoulCollage® into the work because it offers a visual language for different inner voices — the critic, the visionary, the nurturer — so you can literally see and converse with the parts of yourself you’ve been trying to silence.
Coming Home to Your Own Rhythm
To live authentically is to choose yourself over and over again. It’s not selfish; it’s honor. It’s deciding every day that what you feel, how you think, what you want to wear, who you want to be in relationship with matters. Authenticity is powerful.
When you stop trying to become someone and start listening to the one who’s already here, authenticity becomes unstoppable. Every time you return to your own rhythm, you’re handing the mic back to your true Self.
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If you’re longing to live more authentically, therapy can be a place to start. I offer IFS and inner parts work for authenticity and self-discovery in Portland, Oregon and online.